I’m almost certain that if I’d not been diagnosed as clinically depressed so many years ago, causing me to pay functioning attention to my environment, I could have missed it. But for the first time in my more than 50 years I could pinpoint the exact moment that triggered my holiday anxiety. There I was last Sunday listening to my “over-easy” friend on the radio when she played a popular Christmas song reminding listeners that it’s November and the official start of that station’s “holiday cheer.” At one time, Carla Thomas was a welcomed voice, but not so much these days. About 25 Christmases ago, I began to loathe the (unreasonable) expectations and the (empty) hype suggested by these lyrics:
“My best friend’s having a party
And everybody’s going
I know it’s gonna be a lot of fun
Oh, by the way, it’s snowing
It’s been a long, long time
Cant’ explain why you crossed my mind
I guess it’s just to say, Gee whiz, it’s Christmas”
The song was released in 1962, the very Christmas I was born. By the early 1970s when I began singing at secondary school I knew that Thomas was a black girl from Memphis and I celebrated her by singing the song for school concerts. This song has irritated me for many years and it’s more than just the fact that it does not snow here and that “everybody’s going” serves to put pressure on me because I’m not!
Later, I begun hating the cheerfulness of the song and the merriment of the season. But I also never appreciated the fact that there is a valid rage of emotions called holiday blues in which cheer dissipates. Much later, I’d learn of the many reasons for holiday stress and that in wintry countries there’s even a severe mental health condition related to those lows. According to psychcentral.com, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that typically occurs in the fall and winter, when days are shorter and provide less sunlight. Depressive symptoms begin in the fall or winter and persist until the spring. “People suffering from SAD either are unable to function or function minimally during the season in which their disorder occurs. SAD shares several symptoms with other forms of depression including lethargy, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, and social withdrawal. “SAD sufferers crave additional sleep, experience daytime drowsiness, and gain a good deal of weight, often feeling irresistible cravings for sweets. Four to six per cent of the general (US) population will experience SAD. Women are four times more likely than men to develop SAD.”
The role of climate in the etiology of SAD is essential to who can develop it. Scientists say that tropical dwellers are not prone to SAD, but if that is the case someone needs a theory for why people living with depression, whom I know, experience much of these symptoms when the radio stations turn up the music to the jingle-jangle of bells, “Ho, Ho Hos,” pork cravings, and whatever else announces Christmas. The holidays are supposed to be joyous and, as a matter of fact, it was not my intention to acknowledge it until the end of November. That’s until my lovely girlfriend, the radio announcer who, like me, was also born on Christmas Day, decided to cheer us up last Sunday. Immediately on hearing Thomas’ hit, I felt a wave of despair—a sinking of the stomach, and a plunging of the spirit. I know there’re others who are affected just as I am by this. And for some, the creeping darkness at 5 pm in November is a humbug. I know only too well that even those among us who are theoretically normal, experience spells of holiday depression.
I immediately tuned into the “blues” to engage my fight against the most-times futile traditions, which engulf us. I took a deep breath and settled the matter making early Christmas resolutions as a means of coping. This Christmas I resolve not to live up to any expectations except my own. I will not feel obligated to participate in meaningless traditions and events, which I surmise, would do nothing to elevate me spiritually. Christmas for me will once again be a season of rejuvenation of the spirit and mind. This year I’m going to work on my family connections and would not be caught up in the stress and physical exertion that revolves around me.
For Christmas 2014, I intend to string lights on my balcony because I want to do so. Whatever money I have would be spent on experience rather than things. And even though I made these resolutions on November 2, I know I will have to remind myself—as should you—to employ the right mindset to beat the blues. But if you can cope with the bustle and love the traditions of physical fatigue, financial folly, and mental mash-upness, then more power to you.