This personal story by a business professional explores how personal disaster can also be a powerful transforming tool to change your life for the better.
Adanna Austin
I have always loved business even though I did not major in business at university. But I had a knack for understanding how businesses worked, including how to use effective marketing and public relations. To say it came easy to me would be stretching the truth, but it was something that I knew I loved and got excited about and thus it did not feel like work.
I led a typical life. I had married parents, one older sibling, went to university, then got my Masters, got married, bought a house and a car and earned a pretty decent income in a pretty great job. Yet I felt unfulfilled on a good day. Then in 2011, I decided to register my own business and without a logo, a website or a call card I set out to contact as many businesses as I knew and offered my services as a consultant. Lucky for me, I got four ongoing paying clients who were willing to take a chance with me as a first time entrepreneur. Then the divorce came.
I am not sure how much of a part my business venture played in the lead-up to the divorce but I can honestly say I was obsessed with my business because it was the only thing that made me feel alive.
Needless to say, the divorce knocked me off course for two years. For two whole years I did not chase a client, I did not talk about my business much to anyone and I made no real effort to revive it. I was battling something deep inside me that kept my passion locked in a cage. It was my fear of failure. What if I am not good enough? What if my new relationship failed because of my passion? I was in and out of depression for most of these years without really confronting it.
By year three, I was back in a relationship which I thought was solid and I slowly started to get excited about my business again. I started to do short courses online and reach out to people again and sure enough, I got new clients and new opportunities. I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel and for a split second I felt like maybe, just maybe, things will work out for me this time around.
But like a thief in the night, disaster struck again.
A close relative passed away and just two weeks later my relationship also crumbled. To say that I was shaken is an understatement. I was sad, I was hurt and I was depressed. My body ached, I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t understand my emotions and the panic attacks knocked me over. My life as I knew it was in a mess. And I was in the middle of rebuilding my business. I almost did what I had done three years earlier and run to the hills. But I got help this time. I sought the services of grief counselors and a specialist. I was fighting for my life and I knew that if I did not get through this patch, then it really was the end for me.
I hired a coach and in one of our sessions I mentioned to him about my body pains. He suggested I see my doctor—and BAM! There it was again. Another setback. I needed surgery. I was unwell. I was bleeding internally and I was in pain. The universe sure had it out for me. All the while, I am working my 8 to 4 job, trying to build my business at the side and battling what could only be described as chronic pain. Depression was again creeping into my psyche. It was trying to hold onto me and strangle me till I suffocated.
My depression had her own name. She was determined to make me overthink every decision and rack my body with pain. She was determined to keep me down and in a submissive position. My panic attacks became the norm. My pain became the norm and my feelings of sadness and despair everyday became the norm.
In my heart, I wanted to be a fullfledged entrepreneur. Run my own business. Take full control of my life. Quit my 8 to 4 job. Have my surgery to stop my pain (which did not stop the pain completely) and go full out and become what I wanted to be—a business coach and consultant. Saying the words felt scary, but it also brought with it a sense of relief. It was as though my body and my head and heart were finally aligning.
I needed to be a coach and an entrepreneur. I needed to live the life I wanted and to be happy. I needed to help other entrepreneurs overcome their own fears and push pass their what ifs. I need to be me.
I handed in my resignation letter and my panic attacks stopped, my pain has considerably reduced and I get up each day happy and healthier. Now I look at my depression as a blessing. It strangled the fear out of me. It pushed me to make a decision to become an entrepreneur and it has actually opened the doors for me to get more clients because I share my story and use my own experience to help them push through their own fears.
What about you? What made you quit your job? What was the big thing that finally made you take that leap of faith? I want to hear from you.
• Follow Adanna at her blog at https://mkgdynamics.wordpress.com