I did not truly understand the saying “Old age is a b!tch until I crossed 50. In my twenties, I would hear my older friends talk about their parents suffering from aches and pains or being bedridden or not wanting to leave the house. Having crossed 50, I have become super aware of eating healthy, doing exercises, and keeping myself busy, but it was also now my turn to deal with aged parents.
My mother lost her sight when she was in her 50s and that was a very depressing time for the family. But being a determined woman, she refused to allow that to affect her spirit and she went back out to work selling insurance, which was her passion. My father became her eyes and he would look after her when they were both at home.
Now they are both in their 70s and we soon discovered that my dad was suffering from the early stages of dementia. Once again, this threw the family into a tailspin because my father needed care. But the most important care was getting him out of the house at least twice a week. Being stuck at home and not socializing with his peers was causing him to lose his voice. He started to speak so softly, it was difficult to hear him, which was very annoying for both of us—patience will always prevail.
I realised that treating with the aged was learnt behaviour. I did not have any grandparents around when I was at an age to understand and appreciate how to care for them. I remember going to my formidable grandfather, Harold Creque’s house in Belmont and just being around, not really interacting with him. But looking back, I wish that I had the courage to talk with him. To learn about his home, in Tortola, and the family history. Because of this experience, I have gotten my son involved with caring for his grandparents. Ulric would sometimes read a book that his grandmother wanted to get information from or he would just spend time interacting with them. I have come to realiSe that interaction for the aged is important. I will take time out to just go and have a conversation or to dress the wound which, thank God, has finally closed after five years of dressing. That was a ritual in itself. Sometimes I will bring them to my house and we would have a meal in the gallery area or if they are tired, they will go into my son’s room and rest. The change in environment helped to keep my dad lucid.
The one critical thing that had to be monitored was that my dad did not fall and break any part of his body. His knees were giving him pain and the only thing that can be done was knee replacements. But it was important to keep him moving to keep the muscles in his legs strong. One day, while talking with a friend of mine about my dad’s situation, she recommended that I check out a place called Hibiscus Place—Adult Day Center for Seniors. She indicated that they do stand up exercises specifically designed for the elderly. They also do activities such as arts and crafts, gardening, table top games, outings etc. So I checked them out. The good thing about considering Hibiscus Place was that it was located in Petit Valley, not far from where I lived.
Cost wise, I have to make the sacrifice because it was either paying for him to get out the house until 12 noon and do his exercises or him having an accident and breaking his hip, which would run me into thousands of dollars. So we agreed on two days a week for four or five weeks to start. At first, dad was not keen on it. He complained that he would not know anyone there and was very sceptical. I had to use tough love with him until one day, when I arrived at the apartment to get him ready, he was dressed and waiting to go to Hibiscus Place. He now looks forward to being greeted by the competent and professional staff and doing his exercises.
I have given my story so that anyone who is having the same issues will be aware that there are solutions.